When are Damon’s negative actions glorified? Mitigated? Portrayed in a positive light? Damon receives backlash for the slightest fuck up, as yes, he should when he has done wrong. The writers never fail to beat it in our heads that Damon’s wrongdoings are bad.
That would be all fine and dandy if it wasn’t for the fact that while Damon continually has repercussions for his wrongdoings, Stefan’s rap sheet is swept under the carpet. It is Stefan that continuously has excuses made for him. He behaved as a monster throughout all of season three — some of it not being his fault because of the compulsion, but not ALL — and pretty much got off scot-free for it. He threatens to drive Elena off Wickery Bridge, which to make matters worse, was the bridge her parents died on, tells her he doesn’t give a shit about her and then leaves her in some remote area of town. WHERE were Stefan’s consequences for that? Where was the big redemption arc? Not only is the Wickery Bridge incident glossed over and never brought up again, but Stefan is instantly forgiven without a hitch and chosen in the 3x22 finale. And people are daring to preach about THIS last finale perpetuating misconceptions about love and functional relationships?
He is a manipulative, abusive asshole to Elena all season long, and in turn has Elena all but begging for his forgiveness by the end of it. Yeah, okay, Julie Plec.
When it was revealed Stefan had been stalking Elena for months, was this painted in a negative light? No. In fact, it was romanticized and made out to be some elaborate gesture of love.
When Stefan threatened Elena’s life to spite Klaus, did those actions have lasting consequences as they should have? No.
When Stefan continuously lies to Elena and keeps things from her ‘for her own good’ is this not in its own right disrespecting her agency?
And why is it a-okay to respect Elena’s choice to not be saved from an untimely death, but NOT so okay to allow Elena to rescue her hostage brother and later avenge said brother’s death, in which, speaking of said dead brother, Stefan all but forced Jeremy down a path Elena never would have wanted for him.
I find it comical how people treat Damon as though he’s the spawn of Lucifer, but have Stefan on a pedestal, even now, when it’s been shown time and time again that his dark side is just as bad if not worse than Damon’s. No, I am not making Damon out to be some sort of Saint. Lol he is the furthest thing from that. But so too, is Stefan. It boggles my mind how people continually demonize Damon for things he did four seasons ago, but turn a blind eye to that Stefan was once so ruthless and monstrous, he had a title based on his penchant for literally tearing people into shreds and can, at any time, revert back to those old roots with just the flip of the switch.
Stefan too, spilled innocent blood, if not buckets more than Damon. Stefan too compelled human girls. I am not saying Stefan’s doing these things in the past mitigates Damon’s doing these things in the past; I am simply saying it is a double standard to let Stefan off and not Damon for the same string of crimes.
Ripper Stefan was far more of a monster than Damon Salvatore has ever been in his life, but you don’t see me painting Stefan with a one-dimensional brush. I may not be a big fan of Stefan’s for many reasons I have elaborated on in the past, but I acknowledge that he is not JUST the The Ripper. He is not just the darkest part of himself. I and many other DE fans can make that distinction; but I have yet to see anyone from the opposite camp that can separate Damon from the beastial part of himself.
And then there’s the gamechanger that was season four that’s implicit messages about DE and SE seems to have fallen on deaf ears entirely:
When Elena chose Stefan over Damon, it wasn’t Damon who begged to have his every memory of her erased.
When Elena was reawakened as a vampire, it wasn’t Damon who treated Elena like a broken toy in need of being fixed.
When Elena was starving, it wasn’t Damon who ignored her needs and brushed off her suffering when she attempted to confide in him.
When Jeremy was in danger, it was not Damon who said Jeremy wasn’t his problem. It was on the other hand, Damon that wanted Jeremy to kill him to prevent himself from killing Jeremy under compulsion.
And when people claim Damon has never done anything that makes him deserving of love: really, now. REALLY? So we’re just going to disregard the undeniable truth that Damon has put his life on the line for Elena and her loved ones time and time again for nothing in return. We’re just going to disregard how he has never once, in all four seasons, abandoned Elena. We’re just going to disregard how he has always, without fail, been there for Elena when she has needed him.
The fact that people view Damon not being an enabler as a negative thing is baffling. The choices of Elena’s Damon doesn’t respect are the ones at expense of her physical wellbeing; basically whenever she has a death wish. You wouldn’t let someone you love walk straight into traffic just because it is their decision, would you? God knows I sure as hell wouldn’t. And ironically, Elena is no different from Damon in that regard. In life and death situations, she continually violates the agency of her friends and family. Her desire for Jeremy to have a normal life drives her to make the conscious decision to strip him of his autonomy by requesting his memories be erased. She doesn’t respect Bonnie’s choice to sacrifice herself in 2x18. She demands Stefan save Matt over her not caring that Matt wouldn’t want that. And in the last episode she was all ready to force the cure down Damon’s throat in a fit of panic which is a quintessential parallel to Damon’s forcing his blood down Elena’s throat in 2x20 because “he couldn’t lose her”
The unwillingness to stand by and let your loved ones walk to their demises should NOT be regarded as a negative thing. Enabling self-destructive behavior is what is problematic. My biggest issue of all, as far as bad messages go, is how the writers romanticize Stefan’s constantly enabling Elena to make perilous choices. It is not just. It is not romantic. It is fucked up.
